Finding peace in the midst of pain

     Today has been an especially difficult day for many reasons. The first being, I had to take Cardy down to the clinic because he was sick, and the second being I just cannot seem to hold myself together. It’s difficult seeing the poverty here and not feeling like you’re doing enough. I’ve always had a big heart so not just witnessing but experiencing the poverty here is a bit overwhelming even after three years.

     So today at the orphanage I could tell that Cardy was not feeling well. He wasn’t as energetic as usual which concerned me. So being the mother that I am, I took him to the clinic. When he got seen they said “where’s his mom” and I said “she’s right here” pointing to myself. I’ve always felt like a mom in any situation but in this specific moment I really felt like I had to protect my child. After he was seen, they gave me the meds and I have to give them to him for the rest of the time we’re here. I’m happy that he got taken care of, but I’m angry in the fact that he did not have a mom or dad to take him to the doctor. I’ve really struggled with this today, just wondering why poverty and orphans are a thing. Why does there have to be pain in the world when our God is merciful? I honestly don’t know that answer to that and it is something that I struggle with on a daily basis. My heart breaks for the children who don’t know the love of a mother or father and I always feel like I’m not doing enough. My purpose for life is to know Christ and make Him known and in that I know that I want to dedicate my life to helping others. Whether it be in Haiti, West Virginia, or Africa, my mission for life is to spread God’s love so no matter the circumstance, all children will know that even if their earthly father is not present, their Heavenly Father is.

     Today I let a lot of emotions go and it felt good not to bottle it up for once. Although I still don’t know the answer to the question that I had in the paragraph above, I know that God will lead me to the answer and help me find peace.