A Forever Love

Day 7
Well, today was the day that I have been dreading since we first got here. Going on a mission trip overseas for a week is never enough time for anyone. I always start to wonder, am I doing more harm than good? Is being here for just a week confusing and upsetting to Cardy? Because every time I leave it feels like a part of my heart is ripped out and left here not only with Cardy, but with the people of Fort Liberte.
     Going back into real life American time is so so difficult. It’s hard to go from not stressing about when and where we need to be to only stressing about when and where we need to be. Although this week is filled with hard work and dedication, it is the most relaxing week out of the year for me. I get to do what I love, help people. And when I’m able to constantly keep my mind on doing the one thing that I love, I don’t have to worry about pointless problems back home. God is going to take care of everything in his time and in that I am at peace.
     Alright, back to the main reason I bawled like a baby today, I had to leave Cardy again. I have been seeing him here since he was six years old and now he’s nine and about to turn ten. Every year I come, he still holds onto me like he’s that little six year old boy. It doesn’t matter how big he gets, I will still always hold him in my arms. Let me tell you, this kid does not have a care in the world. He is the most content and joyful kid I’ve ever met. I can’t imagine how much love I will have for my own child one day, because I have so much love for Cardy. I thank God every day for placing Cardy in my life. Sometimes I feel like I needed him more than he needed me.

Leaving your comfort zone

Day 6
Today I was completely out of my comfort zone. I worked in the clinic again, but wasn’t expecting to have my own exam room and translator. For a while I was just giving shots and testing urine, but somehow I ended up having a room all to myself, diagnosing patients and prescribing medicine. I had a major promotion today, from freshman nursing student to basically a nurse practitioner. My love for nursing only became stronger today when I was able to actually help people who were in pain.
     I think that God likes to get people out of their comfort zones. We know that God will not put anything in our path that we can’t handle, so why should we ever be scared to try something we may have never done before? Other than taking on the responsibility of a doctor, playing guitar for tonight’s devotion is also something that God has pushed me to do. Before this week I could not have imagined playing for more than two people max, but tonight I wasn’t even worried to play. When God gets us outside of our comfort zone, great things can happen.
     Today was a fantastic day filled with many new experiences, but other than that, I felt a strong sense of sadness. Tomorrow is our last full day here and it makes me sick to think that I have to leave Cardy once again. This is the part of the trip that I look forward to the least. Not the cold showers or the hot temperatures, but the moment I have to tell Cardy I am leaving him again. I can imagine that for a nine year old it is tough to comprehend the idea of a group of Americans coming once a year to come play with them. And it’s difficult for me to translate what is happening to him. I ask that you pray for God to give me the strength I need to get through tomorrow as best as I can.

Childlike Faith

Day 5
Today was one of the longest and most rewarding days. We went to an outpost that was way way out a holler (as we West Virginians night say). Having never done clinic here before, we didn’t really know what to expect. Were we going to be bombarded by people begging for medicine? Would it be complete chaos? We had no idea what we were in for, but it couldn’t have gone any better. As most clinics are set up, we had a folding table set up for each “exam room” under a tree. If you work in the medical field and you’re reading this, it’s probably giving you anxiety reading about this, but it actually went faster and more efficiently than you could imagine.
     The people of this small, poor village were so patient and understanding. We ended up seeing 85 patients in four hours. Regardless of how hot the sun was, everyone worked their hardest to help these people become healthier.
     The children that were out there just hanging around were some of the happiest kids I’ve ever seen. Their smiles were so big every time we took their picture or just went over to hold their hands. Finding a happiness like this is what everyone should strive for. To be as innocent and content as a child is. To not be blinded by the world. And I think this is how God wants us to be. When we put all of our faith in Him, our lives will fall into place. I thank God everyday for the life he has blessed me with and the strength I have been given to get through each day with the excitement of a child.

Reckless Love

Day 4
My day today was not what I would have preferred. After breakfast I went to the clinic to work, but shortly after I started not feeling so well. I realized that I hadn’t taken my medicine yet today and that the past few days I’ve taken it late at night. When I don’t take it regularly in the morning it causes me to be drowsy and have headaches. I decided to come back to the church for a bit to hydrate and rest.
     If any of you know me, I am constantly going. I’m always busy doing something and if I have a job to do, I don’t stop until I get it done. I hate to be hindered by anything, especially when I’m in Haiti. I always feel guilty taking a nap or resting while I’m here. I’m only here once a year so why should I take a break from anything. Well today God taught me the importance of rest. We all know that Sunday is considered to be the day of rest, but as everybody followed that yesterday, I did not and made sure to stay awake and work no matter how tired I was. After coming back from the clinic to rest, I ended up napping for 2 1/2 hours. Once I woke up to eat lunch, I slept again for 3 more hours. I realized God was telling me, it’s okay to rest sometimes. It may not be what you want, but in order to fulfill your full potential, you need it. After I woke up, I had the opportunity to go to the orphanage and play with the kids. If I wouldn’t have been fully rested, I wouldn’t have been my best self.
     Later in the evening after dinner, Pat asked me if I was going to play again tonight. Not really feeling comfortable doing so, I still said yes. If you know the song “Reckless Love”, that’s what I decided to play. God’s love for us is so boundless that to the human eye, we perceive it as reckless. What kind of person continues to love and forgive you even when you mess up a thousand times? God does. If His Love is so unfathomably boundless, then why should I be scared to sing His praise for anybody? God has given me the talent of performing and although it’s something I’m not completely comfortable doing, His love casts out all of the fear I have.

Strength in surrender

Day 3
Today was filled with unexpected plans. First we had church at 6am, yes, 6am. Hearing the Haitians praise the Lord in their language was so beautiful. Some Americans may think that there is only one way to praise Christ but today we were shown how many different ways there really are. Through the smiles on the children’s faces when the pastor spoke, to the amens sang by the choir. Every part of the service just reminded me of how great our God is.
     After church there were people lined up upstairs at the school for child sponsorship. The problem with this is, we weren’t going to do sponsorship today. Sometimes God puts unexpected things in our path to test our patience and flexibility. Instead of turning them away, we set everything up and started the lines. We were able to get everything more organized this time and see about 170 kids when we weren’t supposed to see any at all.
     Most of my day was consumed with Cardy. I walked down to the orphanage to pick him and his siblings up to go sponsorship. Like a mom, I was stressed about making sure he was where he needed to be so that I could make sure he got what he needed. My love for this kid and his siblings in unfathomable. Every day I think “I wonder what he’s doing right now. I wonder if he’s safe. I hope he got enough to eat. I hope he’s healthy.” God doesn’t forget to place people in our lives that are meant to be there. I needed Cardy just as much as he needed me.
     Tonight I gave the devotion and lead worship. For anyone who knows me, you may not have known that I play guitar. That’s how shy I am about it. But tonight God laid two songs on my heart and I couldn’t let him down. I played “Love Like This” by Lauren Daigle and “Here’s My Heart” by Kristian Stanfill. Both of these songs related to my devotion so well, it didn’t seem to be an accident that these songs came to me. I read Matthew 19:26 and Isaiah 49:1-3 in the message translation. These passages discuss how we cannot do anything alone. Once we surrender ourselves to Christ, nothing is impossible. Both of the songs that I played talk about how vast God’s love is for us. We don’t deserve the love he so freely gives to us but he is more than happy to. “Here’s My Heart” is a song that talks about how all we need to do is give ourselves to God and he will speak through us. It was no coincidence that I randomly came across these verses and songs at the same time. Dang, isn’t God just so so good?

Trust in Him

Day 2
Today was filled with many firsts. My first time giving a shot, my first time analyzing the amount of protein in someone’s urine, and my first time assisting with a pelvic exam. To anyone not in the medical field this probably sounds absolutely horrendous, but to me, this was a life changing day. As you can imagine, nursing school is tough. School has always come easy to me so actually having to study is not something I enjoy doing. Lately I have been tossing around the idea that I wasn’t smart enough to do nursing anymore. I mean wouldn’t it just be so much easier to study something else? As I was really considering changing my major, God slapped me across the face with his plan for my life...
    Today was my first time ever working in the clinic. In years past I’ve mostly just worked with the kids at the orphanage because that’s what I was good at. I didn’t wanna be in anybody’s way, so I just stayed in my comfort zone and connected with the kids. Now I’m not downplaying how amazing it is to strictly work with kids and build relationships, but actually taking on the role of a nurse at the clinic was amazing. Having not started clinicals or ever actually working in the medical field, I assumed I would just be sent off to organize or count pills. That was definitely not the case. I was sent right to work mixing up lidocaine and ceftriaxone and giving people shots in the butt. I’ve never touched a syringe in my life, let alone shoot an antibiotic into someone’s butt! Not only was I physically helping someone, I was building relationships with these patients. Actually working hands on and administering medication to people who truly need it is the most rewarding feeling I have ever felt. After leaving the clinic and going to lunch, I thought, “okay God... you win again this time. I’m going to dedicate myself to school because nursing is my passion and it is what I’m meant to do.” Along with this revelation, I also realized what type of nursing I have been called to do. After one day of doing this work it has become clear that God is calling me to be a travel nurse in the mission field.
     I’ve always thought my plan was to stick around in Huntington the rest of my life, but lately that doesn’t seem to be the case. My heart has always been called to missions overseas, I just didn’t know how possible it truly was but then I remembered Matthew 19:26, “Jesus looked at them and said, with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
     This verse stuck out to me today, so I began to study it. When I’m studying a verse, I like to switch to different versions of the Bible to see how it changes. In the message, the same verse reads, “”Jesus looked hard at them and said, “No chance at all if you think you can pull it off yourself. Every chance in the world if you trust God to do it.”” This version changed the way I looked at this verse completely. I have a very independent personality. I like to get things done by myself without any help. Whether it makes things more difficult or not, I would rather do everything myself. Well, God doesn’t work like that and I’m learning that more and more everyday as I continue to fail over and over again. Just like the verse says, no chance AT ALL if you think you can pull it off yourself. EVERY CHANCE IN THE WORLD if you trust God to do it. Wow... what a blessing. As great as it feels to get something accomplished alone, we don’t truly get anything done without God. He gives us the strength every day to carry out the tasks that are presented to us. He blessed us with the gift of life. He doesn’t tempt us or make us go through trials that we cannot endure. Today has been filled with many lessons. From shooting someone in the butt with antibiotics to understanding what my true passion for life is. I was put on this earth to help others and that is just what I am going to do.

God truly is good

Day 1
Twelve hours later, after 2 plane rides, and 2 long bus rides, we finally landed in Cap. After a year of longing to be back in the country that I love so much, I’m finally here. The past few weeks, well if I’m being honest, the past 6 months, have been pure agony. It has felt like I was living in a nightmare that I would never wake up from. Along with the trials I’ve faced these past few months, I have had to maintain my grades, keep a healthy social life, and take care of everyone around me. It has been hard to put myself first, but this trip is exactly what I need to bring me back to who I truly am.

The hour and a half bus ride to Ft.Libertè from the airport is the best way to start off the trip. Windows down, a slightly cool breeze that blows your hair everywhere, and the smell of burning charcoal wafting through the air. I’ve never taken a more enjoyable drive. Although all the aspects of this ride seem to be nothing but perfect, it’s what’s outside the window that strikes me. I see a kid shoveling dirt under the hot sun. Piles and piles of trash everywhere. The chaos of three cars side by side on a road that is only one car wide. How can I feel so at peace in a place where there doesn’t seem to be any structure?

To me, the chaos is what makes this place beautiful. There is no set time for anything, no certain place you have to be. I don’t have to keep a planner and remind myself of what I’m doing and when. It’s all on Haitian time. What time is dinner? When the bell rings. When are we leaving for the clinic? Whenever we can. What day are we going to the outposts? Whenever they need us. Living life without a schedule at home seems stressful, but here, it’s just the way of life. This trip is going to be so therapeutic and helpful to my mental health. Getting to truly help people every day and see the changes that I have made. God really is good.